3 Boys and a Mom - Diary of a Tagteam

I was thinking today of things I have lost or given up- my mind is one but hey that is a given!! Seriously - I have lost a child, I have given up the chance to have a 3rd child (alteast for the moment), I have given up my marriage, I have lost my wedding rings - ok they aren't lost - I pawned them along w/my stbx's ring and personally I have NO CARE to retrieve them - let someone else have a go at them - perhaps it will bring someone else more luck and happiness then they did I... and yet I am not overly sad - I have some regret over a third child - I really would like another one someday and I would have liked to have had all of my children have the same father but perhaps there is a greater plan for me.... I just wish I knew what it was.... This has actually been weighing heavily on my mind the past couple of days - that I have no chance of a 3rd child in the near future and it's been a struggle with acceptance... I can say that with my final court date of Dec 8th moving closer and closer each day I do see the light at the end of tunnel as far as going thru hell dealing w/E but still it's been a long and rocky road that has left me a train wreck...

Another issue I have been pondering is dating - just HOW does one go about dating??? Eventually I am gonna have to get back out there... It's been over 16 yrs since I dated and now I have children to boot!! Any suggestions???

Well it's off to get some work done and then perhaps grab a nap to avoid the overly annoying supervisor on shift - til next time...